(It seems that the CSC 2011 website is no longer working. Good thing that yours truly was able to save the fantastic story of "The Phenomenon"...)
The Phenomenon
The Phenomenon
Phillip
Edwin-Mugisha is well known in the international Scrabble community for his
entertaining diarising. Here is his account of his adventures at the 2011
Causeway Challenge.
Nov 23
Dear Die-Hard Fans,
Perhaps I shouldn't be writing this until the ticket is in my hands but in
principle my ticket has been approved and a flight itinerary is being plotted
as we speak. Yes, I can feel the palms going sweaty, the heart rates spiking
and the gooseflesh rising. For the thousands and thousands of you out there who
give a damn I shall be flying out to Johor Bahru this weekend.
A seminal moment in the History of the beloved Sport, after the 45 games it
will never be looked at in the same way ever again.
The Phenomenon
Friday
Dear
Beloved Scrabble Addicts,
Ahead of the Causeway Challenge The Eagle has just been spotted lurkingly
menacing around Doha International Airport in Qatar, moving with the deceptive
sleekness of a shark beneath the calm blue waters. At a time like this your
hearts will skip a beat as unfortunately health issues have to be mentioned. I
left Kampala where it was pouring for days, raining cats and dogs. The
Equatorial sunny temperature had plummeted, it was colder than a witches
armpit.
As a result the face of the game has had to fight off a flu. But the most
disruptive element might be the eye problem that has suddenly emerged. We can
speculate on 3 theories. It could be that my silky glamorous long film star
eyelashes are curving into my eyeball like an ingrown toenail! Or I have been
reading too hard; or else the Tile Gods, to punish Elie Dragoon Dangoor for
totally ignoring to slap the much anticipated 24.5 points handicap per match on
the most potent player in the game thereby leveling the Global playing field,
have decided to take matters into their own hands by ensuring I play 45 Premier
games with one eye!
Therefore if you catch me wearing shades its not that my Scrabble future is so
bright (which of course it is) or that I want to look like a notorious Drug
Enforcement Agent ala Brett Smitheram but that I need to protect my optical orb
from sudden flashes of light.
The Phenomenon
Sunday
Dear Die-Hard Fans,
Golden sandy beaches.
The artistically splashing waves of the sea.
Graceful airborne sea gulls calling in the scented air.
The picturesque sight of palm trees swaying in the breeze.
Heavenly scents wafting in from the calming sea..
A glorious sunset painted in the sky by the hand of God Himself.
Wonderful, exotic Malay, Indian, Thai and Eastern cuisine. The most hospitable,
civilized human beings on the planet, a real class act. (These guys match
Ugandans!)
What's this, Paradise Found, or a Panupol Fairytale? Neither actually, this is
the stunning setting of Johor Bahru, scene of genius Michael Tang's famed
Causeway Challenge. The Eagle has flown in in high spirits and is currently
undergoing intensive mental preparations. But what about the infamous,
despicable incurved eyelash, getting more attention than David Beckham's
metatarsal in the Asian 2002 World Cup? And the other ailments?
Well, thanks for asking. The flu has been fought off, it never had a chance to
get full-blown, finding it difficult to penetrate the adamantium molecules. The
optical orb still bears watching.
Anyway, as I said before, meditation has begun.
The Phenomenon
Monday
Hi Dear Scrabblers,
The flu came back with a vengeance. I woke up at 3 am with night sweats and a
sore throat. That's a side effect of adamantium, it doesn't work! I couldn't
sleep so for the next 3 hours I read through some gaps in my vocab until the
crack of dawn. DAWNLIKE/WANDLIKE. But do these combos ever appear on my rack?
Fat chance. Anyway, a lemony honey mixture is currently doing wonders. The
optical orb problem has cleared, the Scrabble Gangster shades have been dumped
for the regular geeky, nerdish spectacles which is an ominous sign.
48 hours down and counting. Across the border in Singapore Aaron Chong has
beaten a bunch of heavyweights in that nation's Open. Aaron who? Oh yes, its
the winner of the WESPA Best Story Competition. Hmm. The chap doesn't know the
meaning of defeat these days. Let's all lean back and see what gem he's gonna
write this time. Anyway, the Singapore Open wasn't rated so I am actually happy
I missed it. If I want to play unrated games there's no need for me to travel
8000km to South East Asia, I can do that perfectly well going hammer and tongs
at Geria Richard in our backyard.
Speaking of ratings, a cursory stroll through the players currently listed in
the Causeway Premier Division website section reveals that my 1866 rating is
very puny. How weak are we talking about? They suggest that the Eagle has flown
8000km to finish in the BOTTOM half of the field! I will give you a few minutes
to laugh your head off.
But seriously let's take a look at some matchups. Let's say, Edwin-Mugisha
(1866) vs the Aussie wunderkinder Alastair Richards (2011). That's a stunning
145-point differential in his favour. E-M vs a man Aaron Chong has just
thoroughly disciplined, a certain Nigel Richards at 2103. (Boy, is Nigel
cock-a-hoop those were unrated games.) That's an obscene 237-point difference.
What does that signify? Does it mean if Nigel gets to Table 1 on any of the 5
days he's gonna be taking each game by what, 250 spread? There I go again
cracking silly jokes. I apologize for making your sides split.
By the way does anyone know Sam Kanthimathi's WESPA numbers? His rating is of
special significance to me, second perhaps only to the Global Number One
Ranking some of us will be chasing.
The Phenomenon
Tuesday
Dear Scrabble Addict Homeboys,
About my question concerning our Beloved Sport's rocket scientist cum
multi-millionaire (at least in Ugandan shillings) Sam Kantimathi, I don't have
to worry about his rating or even that of the talented Dragoon. I can now set
my sights higher.
I am able to report a clean bill of health. Almighty God is obviously listening
to the prayers of my Fans.
We are being lovingly caressed by drops of rain which I walked through to
register a little while back. Ran into Michael Tang who not only says the eyes
of the World are on me, but that I have no excuse not to be number one. Others
have already slapped the Crown on my head. Talk about pressure. How on earth
did I get into this position? We must find the dodgy character who has been
hyping up The Phenomenon and give him 10 lashes. But seriously, as Muhammad Ali
said before flooring the "invincible" Sonny Liston;
"I am gonna shake the World!"
Speaking of invincibles, sick (as in great) World Champion Pakorn and bad (as
in good) World Champion Nigel are in the heezy (house) as they say in gangsta
rap. But I am sure you want to hear about more fascinating characters.
Oh, the graceful Jocelyn Lor, President of Malaysian Scrabble. She reminded me
we took pictures together in 2009 which were in a hard disk that was stolen
together with her laptop from her house. What! If you want photos of The
Phenomenon for goodness sake, just ask for the damned things! Same with
autographs, unlike crazy US Major League Baseball players who charge $475 for a
signature mine is free at any time during these 5 days. That's Scrabble's
Humanitarian of The Year for you. Meanwhile a pox on those thieves who broke
into Jocelyn's house, I am going to hire a witchdoctor SANGOMA to put an Irish
TOKOLOSHE on them. Its that serious.
Also met the charming Radhika Mahalingaiah who is hosting the iGate International
in Bengaluru (Bangalore) next month. I gotta go there carrying the Global
Number One Ranking from this weekend. I unfortunately heard that Rugby World
Champion and a GARDENFUL of bonuses Liz Fagerlund won't be here. But Llewelyn
Jegels is. I had no idea he had such an A-type personality, the man is a dynamo
of energy, I felt old standing next to him. I ran into Singapore Big Boss Chea
Siu Hean of the Wespa Committee and Causeway contender Ming Hui Hubert Wee. We
shared a few felicitations.
Met Douglas Lobo whose big bro Ralph thumped me back in 2009. Hmmm.
A vision crept up to me, offered her well-manicured hand and said;
"Diane..."
"Ward." I completed. Unnecessary introduction, I reminded her how
unforgettable she is. And then I ran into Karen Richards and was so
thunderstruck I didn't even say hallo, just rudely stared open-mouthed. Boorish
bad manners.
Games start tomorrow. Peace out homies.
The Phenomenon
Wednesday: Day 1
Hi Scrabble Addicts,
The Causeway venue Zon Regency rises out of its Johor Bahru foundations like a
colossus. Immaculate organisation by Michael Tang and his family in the
tournament running, efficiency by Barry Harridge on the software side. 200
Scrabblers from around the planet in the Premier, Masters and Open Divisions enjoying
smooth turnover from game to game with limited interruption.
So what is the problem?
I am stone last. One win in the morning and then 8 defeats in a row. 48th out
of 48 in the elite Premier Division section. I wanted to disappear and crawl
like a prehistoric lizard under a rock but I am sure the die-hard fans won't
allow me that luxury. What happened? Actually what's happening cause the
nightmare is still ongoing?
At the root of my problem is a virulent stomach bug but surely that's yet
another hopeless excuse? Surely other people are carrying burdens not just in
Scrabble but in everyday life but they survive, they fight on so what's wrong
with me?! I am The Phenomenon, I should be made of adamantium but I am
collapsing like tissue. Put me under a little pressure and I crack like a
rotten egg! The mind is not right. Nigel Richards and Pakorn were tasting back
to back defeats but I couldn't take advantage! Vannitha Balasingam feels I
should relax, I am too tense.
Obviously I faced some terrible rack combinations, some of the worst picking I
can remember. But maybe I am just not good enough? Surely if Andrew Fisher or
Brett Smitheram were here they would be doing better than this? I cannot
believe I was criticizing Sam Kanthimathi for winning 22 and losing 23 of his
Causeway games last year. At this late I am going to win 5 in 5 days. A
Scrabble Emperor with no clothes? Its difficult to find answers, its difficult
to find words to explain the despair, the taste of ashes in the mouth, the
mind-numbing confusion. One of the worst days of my life. Guys are giving me
advice, win 8 out of 10 tomorrow, have a decent Friday day three then one can
plot the assault on the leaderboard. Yeah, yeah, not easy to get inspired when
one is leading the tournament from the wrong end, from the back!
Great Scrabble is being played all around, especially from the youngsters in
the Masters and Open section but none of it is from me. While this scandalous
state of affairs inspires titillating amusement for Sunday Oshidi and co. I do
believe for me retirement from the game beckons.
The Last One
Thursday: Day 2
Dear Die-Hard Fans,
We are being kissed by drops of rain from Heaven, cooling the humid
temperature.
A "better" day, 5 out of 10 wins. I am being eclipsed by my Kenyan
neighbour Nicholas Mbugua, the dreadlocked one, who is primed to aim for the
leaderboard tomorrow. Of course I am being eclipsed by everyone as I am
incredibly 3rd last due to the damage of Day One. Michael Tang's angelic little
daughter is fluttering about like a butterfly, thank goodness she is not
Premier Division material yet,. She would probably eclipse me too!However
people are whispering into my ears, if I win 9 out of 10 games tomorrow I
rocket into 15th position and begin to menace the leaderboard, sort of peaking
at the right time. We are not even halfway through the tournament so we cannot
rule out anything with a whopping 26 games and 3 whole days left. If anyone has
the talent to zoom from last to first, its the The Chosen One.
I have been informed there hasn't been a coup de tat in the Beloved Sport,
Adele Tan is very much in control of her Scrabble Presidency of Malaysia and
isn't giving up an inch of authority to anyone. Well, in Africa we say the
"Chair" is sweet.
Martin Waterworth is happy, caning everyone who comes his way in the Open
Division. Arul Inthirajah is happy, holding his own like the Rock of Gibraltar.
In the Masters section Edie Muller is in high spirits.This is a walk in the
park for her. Suleiman Gora is smiling and Mpaka Jack is happy, too happy.
On the other hand Nsikan Etim is not happy. He feels better is yet to come. The
owner of Facebook's Scrabble Snippetz, Nicky Huitson is resplendant in a black
ensemble but she is not happy. She compared her board performance to mine. Oh
dear, then she must doing very badly. A very unhappy man is Nigerian Dokun Esan
who was overheard complaining loudly in a lift about being torn to shreds by
one Esther Perrins. "No one in my entire life has slaughtered me like this
woman has," he moaned like a baby.
I have avoided the deadly Aussie brigade led by Esther Perrins, Alastair
Richards and Simon Walton who is devastating the field. Its difficult to tell
whether World Champ Nigel is happy considering he's carrying a miniature woolly
mammoth on his chin. Oh, dear reader, you are saying its a beard? Oops, sorry.
Thanks for the soothing messages of sympathy over the disastrous Day One. Its
like the lyrics of the Titanic soundtrack;
"My heart will go on."
But some of you demur; "But you don't have a heart, you are a selfish,
heartless, egomaniacal, male, self-absorbed so and so..."
So what. You can't have everything.
The Phenomenon
Friday: Day 3
Hi Dear Scrabblers,
After the idyllic sunset, a cool mevening, a more relaxed mood now that the Scrabble
madness is done, momentarily until tomorrow. The starving alphabet-obsessed
masses are rushing to gorge themselves on exotic seafood.
And what about the board? Tough times, tough times. I have been pulverized,
turned inside out, outthought on every move, bamboozled at every turn. My
opponent's finger's are magnetically drawn to both blanks. My fingers are
automatically drawn to the Q without the U. In the end game. I played so hard
today and could only take 4 matches out of 10. Thus I lost 6 and its only the
last game in which you could say I deserved to lose as I made a rare (Friday)
blunder. I find myself rooted to the bottom of the rankings. I take 1 step
forward and 2 steps back. I had to realistically cede the Championship before
lunch but I can assure you that my mind is made up. Retirement is out of the
question, thoughts are already turning to my aggressive reading and Quackling
program post-Causeway. Yes, dear wise reader, Meshugge is a sucker for more
punishment.
In these difficult days its important to find beauty somewhere and I do next to
the restaurant where I have my breakfast. There's a lovely cat that has given
birth to a litter of lovelier little kittens. The cat has white fur underneath,
with what looks like orange (yes orange patches) on her back. Her eyes are an
alternating mixture of golden hues. The kittens on the other hand, still so
small they can fit on one's palm, are grey all over. Weird.
"My lovely puchi wuchi snuggli wuggly dears," is what I find myself
saying to the babes. I mean the four-legged ones with fur.
The Second Last One
Saturday: Day 4
Dear Scrabble Addicts,
The heavens have opened. These are no gentle love kisses of precipitation, its
pouring seriously. I hear Nicky Deco had an episode in the storm, hope is she
100% fine.
I won 6 out of 10. If you were to win 6 games on each of the 5 days that would
be 30 overall and Causeway contention. So I hit Championship form but this is
only on one day. CONSISTENCY is the magic word. Moreover the Championship form
was only for a fraction of the day as of the 4 games I lost I stupidly threw
away 2. It should have been 8 out of 10. But for just a moment dear reader, one
tiny intsy bitsy moment in time South East Asia was shaking, Pakorn was pissing
in his pants and we suddenly knew why I am WESPA's Shining Light, the face of
the game, the Chosen One, World Champ 2013, the Man of Destiny, the
Immortal...enough. WORDGAME; This matchup with Alex Tan in many ways
encapsulates what hasn't been my week. The guy wrote the bad word LAE* early on
but managed to recover. So well in fact that he produced the gem WORDGAME for a
barnstorming 100! I had to challenge and it won him the comeback victory. Moses
Peter played FENG* Shui against me and also won our encounter. Yet when I make
a mistake against an opponent I don't live to tell the tale, I am mercilessly
dealt with so I learn the very hard way to steer away from my sinful Scrabble
habits.
What has been my special word? My brain is fried and I can't think straight but
today I liked, in what my animated opponent Tony Hunt billed as the Grand
Australia-Uganda Showdown, my 9-letter zinger DETenTION. Of course this is
small potatoes compared to what happened to Nic Mbugua who was winning a game
until some unknown freakazoid* snatched victory from the jaws of defeat with
EUONymINS.
Ah you, dear wise reader are enquiring about the special words on Table 1? Well
its pretty difficult to tell being a wee bit far off, I would require the
Hubble Telescope to make out the details from where I am pounding chappatti
dough in the kitchen.
The Phenomenon
Sunday: Day 5
Hi Dear Scrabble Addicts,
The
Causeway experience is over. Day 5; a day where my talent just rolled on and
on. I won 3 lost 3 but this is the very first day in which I didn't throw away
a match. Things were starting to click, if Causeway were a 70 game event ending
on Wednesday the whole Earth would be bowing down to the Chosen One. The wires
are ablaze with the news of Pakorn falling to The Phenomenon on Table 1 but
seriously, what on earth did anyone expect? My record against World and
Causeway Champions remains at 100%. The game is annotated and shall be up on
the Causeway website in due course for people like the young superstar Allan
Oyende who are desperate to see and learn how I play. By the way you can comb
through the Net with a fine tooth comb, my record in all annotated games
remains at 100%, I don't have to remind Unbelievers like Harry Malcolm about my
627 annotated game in which I racked up not one but TWO nine timers at no less
grand a stage than the WSC.
Ade Adegbesan calls me the Phoney King as apparently the Causeway website shows I wrote 13 unchallengedfaulty bingos. Ridiculous. I wish I wrote even a quarter of those
phonies, my opponents were ruthlessly challenging off any Collins nonsense I
dreamt up as my full report shall reveal. There is a disclaimer on the website
that "the so-called unchallenged phonies may be due to us not being able
to decipher handwriting." As we all know my Mum compares my handwriting to
that of a chicken's scratchings in the dust!
A more serious issue is the fact the website reveals I was languishing at a
scandalous rate of 1.5 bingoes. This puts me in the Jokers Gallery, no wonder I
couldn't compete! But the most alarming statistic is the eventual 18 wins out
of 45 to produce a shocking final position of 44th out of 48. I shudder to
think of the updated WESPA ratings, I am going to drop like a stone. But enough
about The Loser (God himself vents in the Bible about the Pharaoh of Egypt who
HE calls "The Noisy Braggart Who Missed His Chance") let's now talk
about the winners.
Michael Tang is a winner and in the closing ceremony we, the over 200
Scrabblers, certainly made sure he felt the love we have for him and the brand
he created. As my buddy Sam Kantimathi says, this is only a temporary hiatus of
the Michael Tang era. The House That Michael Built shall be back in its own
sweet time. Bigger and better than ever.
Markus Loke is a winner. Markus who? This 18-year old Malaysian wunderkinder
won the prize for the longest word, the mind-bending 13-letter CRENELLATIONS.
When I was 18 I could barely write my own name, this chap is playing CRENELLATIONS.
Heaven help us! He broke Albert Einstein's Laws of Physics on the Scrabble
board.
In the packed 84-player Open Division Nicky Huitson and Arul Inthirajah were
just pipped at the death to the Top Ten Prize positions. Ouch. Don't complain,
your week was still better than mine. I was very happy to see Martin Waterworth
battle for 9th. The massively popular Radhika Mahalingaiah got 8th and Carolyn
Watt, who was dressed for the Milan fashion catwalks, 7th. Markus Loke (yeah
him) was 4th and some school-going teenager I don't know named Jayden Kuhne
grabbed $1 000 and the Champion's trophy. Bet he's gonna be popular with the
girls in the cafeteria. The Aussies are very excited about his talent. Don't
recall him in the prize-giving but from the Scrabble Victoria website photo he looks like a
rakish Justin Bieber. And that's what we need in Scrabble, good-looking
Champions who can give us 500 million You Tube hits. Especially as some of us
are good-looking, really hot, but we aren't Champions.
In the Masters Carmel Dodd and Amy Byrne came within a hair's breadth of the
Top Ten and shall wonder what could have been. You can never keep Edie Muller
out of anything, she blazed into 10th. Capetonian Jarrod Page is a rising star
in 9th and Michael McKenna who bossed this section for long stretches was a
respectable 6th. Sanjoy Gupta was 5th and I was extremely pleased to see Tan
Jin Chor 3rd. Ricky Purnomo seized the $3 000 top prize.
In the ruthless, elite, prestigious Premier Division Moses Peter, Theodore
Martus and Nsikan Etim fought like Tigers to just fall short of the Top Ten.
Singapore Big Boss Chea Siu Hean was a tough man in 10th, class act Marut
Siriwangso 8th, and the hard-hitting Komol Panyasophonlert 4th. Hubert Wee was
knocking on the door in a fantastic 3rd and the man Nigerians call the Big
Daddy Nigel Richards got 2nd. Pakorn Nemitrmansuk, gibsonized with 3 matches to
go is our Champion.
We hesitate to call him the "greatest scrabbler of all time." In fact
we won't get carried away by the emotion and hype of the moment and do so. You
are not the "greatest scrabbler of all time" after a good week or
even a good year or 6. This is because "all time" doesn't consist of
a good "week" a good "year" or even a good "6
years." Take it from the wise, we may not even have lived through 000.1%
of "all time."
Suffice it to say Pakorn Nemitrmansuk right now is the greatest scrabbler in
the world. He has had the best week of anyone bar none. He at the moment
rightly deserves to go to the top of the world rankings and I stress "at
the moment." He is the Causeway Champion 2011 and no one can take that
away from him. He has the $10 000, the kudos, the Championship and appropriately
enough like the conquering hero in the Hollywood blockbuster movie, he also has
The Girl.
The Phenomenon
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